4 Month Update

That's 1/3 of a year! (for all of you 4th graders learning fractions)

Weight:16 lbs 13 oz, 85th percentile
Height: 25 3/4", 75th percentile
Head Circumference: 17", 75th percentile


Eats: He has started eating some 8 oz bottles at a feeding as opposed to the usual 6 oz.  Also, we've switched to the Level 2 nipples which have a slightly bigger hole this weekend.  I was noticing how lazy he was while he was eating and he was completely distracted by everything going on.  It would take for.ev.er for him to finish a bottle and he was quite gassy.  I'm noticing some decrease in the gassiness.

Also, the doctor gave the greenlight to start solids so we'll probably be giving him some rice cereal some time this week!  I promise not to put to many pictures of Ezra covered in food, but stay tuned for photos of his first feeding!

Sleeps: Amazing.

His new thing is that he "sings" himself to sleep.  He likes to be rocked to sleep (I know, bad mommy, I'm sure I'll be complaining when I have to break this habit) and while he's rocking he puts his mouth on my shoulder and "sings" until he falls asleep.  Cutest.Thing.Ever.

Likes: Jumping.  Seriously, the jumperoo is the best thing that's ever happened in this house.  He could jump all day.  He yells and laughs while he's jumping, and he basically has the springs maxed out.  His little feet are the cutest, he only uses his left foot but he really gets some air.  Best $22 I've ever spent!

Today, he officially started eating his feet.  He must've chewed them for 20 minutes straight at the doctor's so I'm thinking he's moving away from the chewing on the hands to chewing on his feet.  I only mind when he starts pulling off his socks.  We all know how I feel about baby socks...

Dislikes: The snot sucker.  It's his arch enemy.  He had a cold this past week which required frequent meetings with the snot sucker.  It is certifiable baby torture. You'd think I'd twisted off one of his toes or something.  Nope, just sucking snots.  And, yes, I think Ezra is the cutest baby - BUT - he's not as cute with boogers dripping out of his nose.  Ew.

Milestones: He has mastered the back to belly roll in both directions.  Still working on the belly to back.  He just gets mad once he ends up on his belly and kicks his feet and cranks until someone turns him back over so he can do it all again.

2 teeth.  Yes, 2, teeth have broken through on the bottom.  This explains all the drool, chewing, and some of the crying.

He blows raspberries all day long.  So cute.

Things I want to remember about this age: The way you sing yourself to sleep.

Your toothless smile.  I'm sure your toothy smile will be cute, too, but I know I'll miss those gummy ones!

The funny faces you make when you suck on your tongue or bite on your bottom lip.  I need to take more photos!

Here are some 3 month photos for your viewing pleasure:

Ezra and his cousins

Daddy Day Care

Nom nom nom

 

The aquarium

Our 4 month photos were a bit of a disaster...

I love this monkey...

I'm too sexy for my diaper...

Photos are tiring...

Quick Mom, I'm on my belly!

so cute!

Mommy Lesson

DO NOT let the baby grab a poopy diaper while you are changing him.

He will get poop all the way up his back, on his hands, and everywhere else.  Also, he will not stop squirming to let you clean him off and this will most definitely happen when you do not have time to bathe him.

2 hours later at work, you will find poop under your nail.  Yum.

You're welcome in advance. ;)

So, I suck at Valentine's Day

I forgot to wear red to school today - every student that saw me looked at me funny.

I forgot to put Ezra in red for his first valentine's - oops.

I didn't buy anything for Mike because I assumed we weren't exchanging gifts - double oops.

I even forgot to get a card for Mike from Ezra - triple oops.

Mike was super sweet and got me a card from him and a card from Ezra.  And a HUGE pile of candy - we all know I love candy (peanut butter M&M's - how fitting - lifesavers mints, snickers).  And a sonic jewelry cleaner. AND (I know I really suck at Valentine's day) flowers.  He hasn't bought me flowers for anything in YEARS.  Very sweet.

It's so nice to think that now I have 2 Valentines - Mike and Ezra.  Who could ask for more?

So maybe I'll get away with sharing my pile of candy with Mike?  Here's to hoping...

The Elephant in the Room

I have to apologize for the time away from the blog.  But I've been going through some emotional things and I just needed to wrap my head around them before I could really get back to being honest and blogging like I like to.

So the elephant in the room is that I am pretty sure that I've been going through Postpartum Depression.  I've been experiencing some pretty intense anxiety about motherhood and it was getting to the point that I was afraid to be alone with the baby.  I would panic when Mike said he was leaving to do something - to the point of tears and irrational behavior.

Add to that other stressful life situations, a 2 week long cold and pink eye, and you get a recipe for a complete breakdown.  Thankfully my mother was able to get me to see that what I was feeling was far from normal motherhood fears and that I should probably talk to a doctor about it.

During my research about my emotional issues I cam across a website with information about PPD symptoms and that's when a light really went on for me.  I copied and pasted the list and highlighted in purple the symptoms that I've been having.  I was surprised at how many actually pertained to me.

• You feel overwhelmed.  Not like "hey, this new mom thing is hard."  More like "I can't do this and I'm never going to be able to do this."  You feel like you just can't handle being a mother.  In fact, you may be wondering whether you should have become a mother in the first place.
• You feel guilty because you believe you should be handling new motherhood better than this.  You feel like your baby deserves better.  You worry whether your baby can tell that you feel so bad, or that you are crying so much, or that you don't feel the happiness or connection that you thought you would.  You may wonder whether your baby would be better off without you.
• You don't feel bonded to your baby.  You're not having that mythical mommy bliss that you see on TV or read about in magazines. 
• You can't understand why this is happening.  You are very confused and scared.
• You feel irritated or angry.  You have no patience.  Everything annoys you.  You feel resentment toward your baby, or your partner, or your friends who don't have babies.  You feel out-of-control rage. 
• You feel nothing.  Emptiness.  You are just going through the motions. 
• You feel sadness to the depths of your soul.  You can't stop crying, even when there's no real reason to be crying.
• You feel hopeless, like this situation will never ever get better.  You feel weak and defective.  You feel like a failure. 
• You can't bring yourself to eat, or perhaps the only thing that makes you feel better is eating.
• You can't sleep when the baby sleeps, nor can you sleep at any other time.  Or maybe you can fall asleep, but you wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep no matter how tired you are.  Or maybe all you can do is sleep and you can't seem to stay awake to get the most basic things done.  Whichever it is, your sleeping is completely screwed up, and it's not just because you have a newborn.
• You can't concentrate.  You can't focus.  You can't think of the words you want to say.  You can't remember what you were supposed to do.  You can't make a decision.  You feel like you're in a fog.
• You feel disconnected.  You feel strangely apart from everyone for some reason, like there's an invisible wall between you and the rest of the world.
• Maybe you're doing everything right.  You are exercising.  You are taking your vitamins.  You have a healthy spirituality.  You do yoga.  You're thinking "Why can't I just get over this?"   You feel like you should be able to snap out of it, but you can't.
• You might be having thoughts of running away and leaving your family behind.  Or you've thought of driving off the road, or taking too many pills, or finding some other way to end this misery.  Or you may have thoughts of harming others.
• You know something is wrong.  You may not know you have a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder, but you know the way you are feeling is NOT right.  You think you've "gone crazy".
• You are afraid that this is your new reality and that you've lost the "old you" forever.
• You are afraid that if you reach out for help people will judge you.  Or that your baby will be taken away.  

It's scary to think about how I was feeling now that I'm starting to feel better.  I decided to take a small dose of anxiety medication and it has helped, A LOT.  I'm feeling more and more like my old self.

It was difficult to feel like a failure as a mother but to know how much I wished to be a mother.  I just wanted to get in my car and drive away and start over.  I wasn't eating, I wasn't sleeping.  I was always mad at Mike.  I was overwhelmed with changing a diaper - like I felt like I couldn't do it right even though I'd been doing it for 3 months already.

I couldn't decide what to wear, never mind what to have for dinner.  My heart would pound every time I was alone with the baby.  I cried when I had a snow day and had to stay home from school with him.  I wasn't having that magical, hearts in the air, connection with the baby and I felt guilty about it.  I felt like I didn't ever know what was wrong with him when he cried and I couldn't handle it.  I felt like everyone thought I was a terrible mother.

The most difficult part was realizing that it wasn't normal.  Everyone says motherhood is difficult, and I anticipated that, but I couldn't understand how anyone would ever want to have another baby after having one.  I couldn't understand how anyone would want to be home with their baby all day.  I couldn't understand how I thought that I wanted to be a mother when I just felt like I couldn't do it.

Now that my emotions are under control, I can look at Ezra and smile.  I can think about him during the day at work and my heart swells.  I look forward to seeing him at the end of the day and on the weekends.  I'm just feeling like the mom I always knew I was.  I can do housework.  I can eat and decide what to wear in the morning without anxiety.  I'm just feeling like myself again.

I still have moments of anxiety, but I'm doing much better with dealing with them.  

How can you not love coming home to this?

 

 

Some Favorite Things: 3 months

So, sorry for the blog-cation.  Things have been a little nutty around here, more on that later...

I have to say we only have 3 new favorite things now.  Ezra is showing lots more interest in his toys but I think once he can sit, roll, possibly crawl, he'll show even more interest.  Right now, everything is just going in his mouth, including the dog's nose, my hair, and other things that are not meant to be baby toys, so I'm not sure we can really  judge which items are his favorite.  heehee


Terry Cloth Bibs

Ezra can most definitely drool through a bib in about .4 seconds.  We're going through about 5 bibs a day, maybe more.  We've been speculating that a tooth might be coming in - with the way he gnaws on his hands and toys and all the drool - but nothing.

I prefer these bibs because they don't have a waterproof backing.  They are super absorbent, and absorb quickly.  The ones we have with waterproof backing seem to just make the spit-up and drool just roll off and onto his clothing.  I think the ones with the backing will be better once he starts eating food and we really just need a splash mat as opposed to something with absorbency.

These are from my least favorite store, Babies R Us.  10 for $12.99

Vibrating Teether

Affectionately called "the grapes."  We also have one that is shaped like a strawberry.  They sell for about $12 each on Amazon, but I got ours cheaper at Babies R Us ::gasp:: I almost can't believe it myself.

One of the main reasons we think Ezra might be teething is because he chomps on these grapes like nobody's business.  He is still working on how to hold them himself and get them into his mouth so that he can bite them the right way to make them vibrate. 

I don't know if they soothe him or not, but I've hung them from his floor gym and he always goes for them first.



Fisher Price Ocean Wonders Jumperoo

This was the bargain of the century!  I actually got the floor model from BRU, put together, with batteries for $22.  These things sell for $80 and up so I'll take it!

My sister in law has a similar one and Ezra loves to jump in it during the day at her house.  I was so excited to find one so cheap for our house! He definitely prefers this over the stationary excersaucer and is quite the jumper.  I like that the music and lights play when he moves and they aren't too annoying yet.

My only complaint is that it isn't as sturdy as the newer versions (precious planet, rainforest, laugh 'n learn).  This one's legs are quite wobbly.  I don't usually leave him in it if I'm planning to leave the room for more than a pee break.  All the pieces are snapped together, so I'm not worried about it coming apart, at all, I just would prefer if it were a little more stable.

Here's a photo of the little guy enjoying some of his favorite things! (and yes there's Maybel being nosy)