The last 2 weeks of mommyhood have been so life changing, difficult, rewarding, and overwhelming. I can't believe that we finally have this little person that we'd tried to hard to create here in our house. I can't believe this little being depends on me for everything yet I don't have the slightest clue what I'm actually doing. It's quite frightening - especially for someone who like to be prepared for everything - there definitely is no preparation for parenthood.
I love this little guy more than I can say, but I'm not going to pretend there haven't been moments in the past 2 weeks that I thought about returning him - just for 5 minutes. I definitely think that I was experiencing some definite baby blues/borderline post-partum depression for the first few days. I cried about everything, was abnormally anxious that I was going to do some serious long term damage to the little guy, and ready to give up on breastfeeding and cloth diapering. I didn't think that I was cut out for mommyhood for a few days. So I avoided this blog because I didn't want to sound like I wasn't happy about being a mom after whining about wanting to become a mom for so long.
But I will say it was harder than expected to make that transition and I'm glad that I'm on the other side of it all, for the most part, and I can at least be rational right now. A few trips to church and some "outings" have definitely helped me get my mind back on track. Mike has been an amazing help, too. Making dinner, giving baths, telling me I'm doing a good job, changing diapers, cleaning up around the house. He has really stepped up to the plate for the most part and I definitely appreciate that. Family has been great too. We didn't have to worry about dinner for over a week, people come by to help with anything we need every day. I'm always amazed at how much people are willing to help.
Breastfeeding was a big challenge for me. I was experiencing a lot of pain, just from his Hoover vacuum latch (the lactation consultant said that he was basically attacking me, but there was no way to really fix it because he was latching properly). It is definitely a difficult adjustment to have to have your boob available at the sound of any wail - and to not really be able to be away from the baby because you are his food source. I'm glad that we've stuck with it and now I've even had the chance to pump a little bit so we have a small stash for emergencies and what not. It was fabulous to be able to get out and get my hair done this week!!
I've also started cloth diapering a little bit - just when we're home or I know that I'll be able to change him within 2 hours. Still using sposies at night so that we can leave him sleeping for long stretches. Right now I'm using the Kissaluv's fitteds and Thirstie's covers. I tried my Softbums but his runny poo gets all over the cover after the first use so I go through a cover with each change. The problem with the Kissaluv's is that they don't have a stay-dry fleece layer, so they get very wet against his skin. Right now we haven't had any rash issues, but I think I'll probably cut some left-over fleece that I have an make a stay-dry layer insert.
Ezra has been the most perfect baby - even in the midst of a neurotic mother. He sleeps for a good 4 to 5 hour stretch at night (knock on wood) and only has a few "I'm crying for no reason" stretches during the day. He takes a pacifier, loves to be swaddled, and is even starting to look around and be more alert during the day. He's absolutely perfect.
On more exciting news, we got our newborn photos back! We went to Target portrait studios, which surpisingly was amazing. The pictures look great and it was relatively inexpensive. Here's a sampling:
Those first few weeks are hard...but it will get better. I was an emotional basketcase for about a month. You are so lucky that you have so much help from family and friends, that is awesome! And your pictures are gorgeous...he is so cute!!!!
ReplyDeleteLove you, Em! I know you're doing an amazing job. Hang in there! And thanks for being honest in this post - way too many moms only remember the good stuff, and it's nice to hear it like it is.
ReplyDeleteEmily,
ReplyDeleteYou are doing a wonderful job. Trust me, it's ALL normal feelings. When I had Moriah, being my first, I felt horrible for wishing the days would go faster so she would be old enough to not need me so much. I felt so alone and drained sometimes, even in the midst of many people!! I thought I was going crazy! But as fast as those feelings came, they left a few weeks later. And I relaxed more and just concentrated on taking one moment at a time. And before I knew it, I was wishing time would slow down so I could keep her needing me at all times! We are a crazy specimen, aren't we?? But, you're doing a wonderful job; you AND Mike! He's a beautiful blessing and I pray and wish only the best of the best for you and your family.
Love in Christ,
kelly
Those pictures are adorable! I will be thinking of you as you adapt to your family changes.....I felt some similar emotions when my little fella arrived, and he was five weeks early so he had some health concerns. Now he is two months old and thriving, and this Momma enjoys every minute now. It does get better! :) Keep hanging in there!
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