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Monday, June 20, 2011

Banished to Mommy Island

So apparently we were voted off of Fun and Free Island and sent here.  Most days I don't really mind because I'm so busy being a mom and teacher and maid and baby grower - often times I don't really think of anything but what is going on with me and my immediate family right at that moment.

Mike has been working 2 hours away from home every day so he leaves at 5am and doesn't return until 6 or 6:30 pm.  He doesn't have the energy to do much of anything (other than cook me dinner every night because he's the best) when he gets home from work.  Trips by friend's houses and favors for family, have pretty much died down from the constant way it was before Ezra.

Even making time to do things with just us three can be challenging - because sometimes the laundry is more important than the beach.  (I'm still not sure if I buy that but I know that I don't particularly like to wear dirty underwear so I guess I can at least wash those before I go to the beach).

But I think in the craziness of everything, sometimes it feels like we landed on some deserted island where no one without children wants to visit or hang out.  Like we have parenting leprosy.

I know this isn't a new phenomena in the world of parenting, I just didn't expect to be feeling it as deeply as I am.  We were the first in our circle of friends to have a baby - but I guess we never anticipated how that would change our social lives.  We expected everyone to still be the same while we changed.

It really hit me this weekend when my mom offered to babysit on Friday night, somewhat last minute.  I had no doubt in my mind that we could find at least one couple to go out to eat with or someone to hang out with.

No dice.

Dinner with  Mike was lots of fun and I appreciate that the same, it was just strange to keep thinking "well, what's so and so doing?" "Did you call whatshisname?" where usually we could find some poor soul to hang out with, it was impossible.  It's like we were erased from people's heads as a possibility of fun.

Apparently, we are so not cool anymore.

Or maybe it's just because we are off in such a different direction, alone, with only a few friends with children (who are all too busy to make last minute plans, this I understand).  People don't ask us to do things because we always say no unless we have enough time to finagle a babysitter - and then we are usually asleep by 10pm.

We used to have friends over just about every weekend, even just to do nothing.  No one really stops by anymore.  And that dang laundry just keeps getting in the way.

I've come to the conclusion that we need to make new friends, in addition to the oldies, who already hang out on Mommy Island.  Who want to make plans far enough in advance to find a babysitter.  Who don't mind if you have spit up on your shirt at a nice restaurant.  Who understand if you have to cancel last minute.

It just makes me sad and a little anxious (what are you suprised?).  I'm not good at the small talk, get to know you conversations.  I always say awkward things, and interrupt, and I'm just overly self-conscious and end up sounding like a thirteen year old boy trying to ask a girl to the Homecoming Dance.  All stuttering and oversharing and sweating.  It's not cute.


If you actually know me in person, you know that I often duck out of parties and events before this type of situation occurs.  I don't like meeting new people.  I'm sure it makes me look like a total snot bag who thinks she's to good for everyone, but really I'm just so afraid of looking like a moron that I'd rather just say nothing.

So I'm hoping in these summer months to try and get some moms together at the house with kids and see if I can forge some new friendships and figure out how to feel a little more connected to the world outside of my family.  But now I'm totally afraid everyone will think I'm a freak and not want to come...  It's a vicious cycle.

So, I'm not sure exactly where I'm going with this post, other than a total awkward overshare...

Anybody on Mommy Island with Me? Have you escaped? Found a path back to the other side?  Made friends with the natives? 


8 comments:

  1. I feel that way too. We try to make plans with our friends with children but it comes down to whose house do we want to invade, arranging it around naps and bed times, etc. I thought about joining a mommy's group but have to go back to work in September so not sure if it's worth it since it also takes me a while to warm up! Enjoy your summer off!!

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  2. I'm totally with you too!! It's awful! I have a few mommy friends to do stuff with, but they're all at least an hour away, and with naps and everything getting in the way, it doesn't happen very often. I wish I knew a good way to meet new mommies too. I'm also bad with meeting new people, i wish there was an easier way to do it!! Good luck!

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  3. you took the words from my finger tips.

    I created a playgroup last fall, and it's great to get together for scheduled playdates (dates we plan far in advance). That's helped.

    I guess sometimes I forget that I'm a woman too. An individual, apart from being a mom. I feel lost sometimes, like I'm not sure who I am.

    I think my next playgroup date will be a night out with our guys! Mama's need to get pretty and leave the babe at home every now and then!

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  4. I'm trying to make friends with the natives at the moment. :o)

    I'm your newest follower from the Blog Toddle.

    http://www.forloveofcupcakes.com

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  5. HI...my name is Stephanie and I live on Mommy Island too. Before have K I had a close nit group of friends. There were 4 of us that would do everything together. Well 1 had the first baby - and then she got banished to Mommy Island, then I went and had a baby and now I'm on Mommy Island too. But it's still hard to get together with my mom friends, because of naps, etc. like you said. It's hard to find that good balance between being a Mom and being a Woman/Friend.
    Hope you have a great summer anyway! Even if you join a play group now and can only attend frequently during the summer...those woman will probably still call you during the school year to hang out too! Cause they relate! :-)

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  6. I'm right there with you. We don't do much of anything anymore and I have no desire to try to make friends since we're moving in the Fall. Ugggh. Good luck :)

    Thanks for linking up to Toddle Along Tuesday at Growing Up Geeky and Our Growing Garden!

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  7. Hi I'm doing a Giveaway on my blog and would love to give you a chance to win some adorable 4th of July Hair Clips! They're great for baby girls & toddlers!

    Come on over and check it out:
    http://www.forloveofcupcakes.com

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  8. Your cousin is a pretty new resident on Mommy Island, too. You can always call us! :)

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