To formula that is.
We've decided (well really I've decided because lets face it they are MY boobs) to start switching to formula.
Going back to work has been somewhat stressful for me - although thanks to 2 snow days last week and a holiday today, I've spent more time at home that at work! The stressful part is pumping. I really don't like pumping.
It's weird to take your boobs out in your classroom - even if the door is locked. And the janitor unlocked my door without even knocking one day and just walked in. Who opens a locked door without knocking?!
It takes at least 20 minutes to set up, pump, clean up. Thankfully my mother bought me a pumping bra for Christmas so I can do some work while pumping because I can use my hands.
I'm just not responding to the pump as well as I'd like. I had to pump 3 times a day to get enough milk for 2 feedings the next day. I would often have to pump again before bed just to make sure there was enough for the babysitter.
I just ended up being more anxious about the time I was taking away from my job - (who wants to be at work longer than they have to just to pump?) - the amount of milk I was or wasn't getting, and just the overall uncomfortable feeling of pumping.
I know in the back of my head that he'll be fine with formula, but I also have a little guilt because I feel like I'm being selfish. I know rationally that my sanity is more important to Ezra's emotional health and being overly occupied with how many ounces of formula are in the fridge is counterproductive - but I still feel like I'm going to damage him somehow. I think it's just a mom guilt thing.
On a positive note, he's taken the formula without any issues! Which is great for my anxiety. He hasn't been anymore gassy or fussy or anything.
Also, it has made trips away from the baby less anxious for me as well. It is hard to plan your day in 3 hour increments when life is so unpredictable. I was feeling like I couldn't be away from him for too long in case he got hungry or cranky. Now it's much easier to just bring some formula with us in case he gets hungry or to send it with him to the sitter's. I don't have to worry about having "enough" food.
He had also been getting a little frustrated at the breast, I think because the bottle's flow is faster than mine and because my supply had dipped a little and he had to work harder for food. It put me over the edge a couple of times. And now I don't have to worry about him getting enough to eat.
It's nice to let other people feed him, too. And who really wants to get partially undressed in public or at a friend's house?
I still plan on feeding him in the mornings and when I'm home with him at night as much as I can for as long as I can. And I'm going to continue one pumping session at lunch time each day. I'll send some fresh milk and some of our frozen stash to the sitter's each day until it runs out.
I think after a few days, I'll get used to the change a little more but I really do enjoy giving him a bottle. He looks at me and around the room and he hangs onto my pinky finger. It's the cutest thing ever.