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Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Irrational Fears

I can say that I've never been one to have irrational fears.  I'm very black and white.  I have always had an understanding that I can't change the past, it is what it is, and I should move on.  Right now I'm stuck, and I can't believe I'm thinking some of the things I am thinking.  So I thought I'd share, just to get them out in the open.  I don't need anyone to say that "its normal to have these feelings" or to tell me how irrational some of them are, I just need to get them out.

1. I'm afraid to get pregnant again because I might have another miscarriage.  I don't know if I could handle another miscarriage.

2.  I'm afraid this "mourning" period will never end

3.  What if there is something about me that I don't know about that will prevent me from having children or being pregnant.  Can I keep trying if that is really what is going on?

4. I'm afraid to keep crying.  Am I normal? Am I having a break down?

5. I'm afraid that I won't be able to be happy for others who are having babies and celebrate with them.  I'm afraid I'll take out my pain on them

6. I'm afraid no one will want to be around me because I'm such a downer

7. I'm afraid all this stress is affecting my job performance

8. I'm afraid we don't deserve children

9. I'm afraid this will break up my marriage

10. I'm afraid of letting people know what is going on, even though they can tell I'm having a hard time.

I think 10 is enough.  *sigh* I feel a little better

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