That last few days have been surreal. I'm beginning to come to terms with my loss. My tears don't come as frequently, and I am actually able to talk about that day, what happened, and what is going to happen moving forward. I know that the pain comes back in waves, full force, every so often, but I seem to be able to pull it together and make it through each day.
M and I have started to talk about what we are going to do moving forward. After my blood test on Monday, hopefully I won't need to go in for a D&C (where they dilate my cervix and remove any remaining "stuff" from my uterus, since there's no embryo/fetus it would mostly be lining) and I'll have a chance to talk with my doctor. Since I haven't actually spoken to my OB, I have been getting most of my "do-nots" from the world wide web. I'm hoping we'll get the go-ahead to start trying again right after my first period. M thinks we should continue taking a charting break and just use OPK's for a while. It seems to help keep everything fun and spontaneous, although I hope I can stay distracted during the 2ww.
I wasn't expecting to be back here, in this trying-to-conceive place, again for a while. M is having trouble coming to terms with everything. He doesn't want to really talk about it yet, and usually I am reassuring him that we do deserve a baby, and no, it isn't fair but we have to get through it and stay positive. It's hard for me to see him so unsure and distraught. I just hope that I can help him get through all of this with minimal damage.
On another note, we went to a much needed and deserved party last night for my BFF's birthday. It was nice to just hang around, talk, and laugh, and not think about it for a few hours. I did get a few side-eyes when I had a glass of wine, but M was great at quietly explaining the situation to people and asking them not to bring it up. I am beginning to feel like life is getting back to normal, which is totally a relief. And a little guitar-hero tournament always helps to make you feel better ;)