background

Birthday Ticker

 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Moving Forward

That last few days have been surreal. I'm beginning to come to terms with my loss. My tears don't come as frequently, and I am actually able to talk about that day, what happened, and what is going to happen moving forward. I know that the pain comes back in waves, full force, every so often, but I seem to be able to pull it together and make it through each day.

M and I have started to talk about what we are going to do moving forward. After my blood test on Monday, hopefully I won't need to go in for a D&C (where they dilate my cervix and remove any remaining "stuff" from my uterus, since there's no embryo/fetus it would mostly be lining) and I'll have a chance to talk with my doctor. Since I haven't actually spoken to my OB, I have been getting most of my "do-nots" from the world wide web. I'm hoping we'll get the go-ahead to start trying again right after my first period. M thinks we should continue taking a charting break and just use OPK's for a while. It seems to help keep everything fun and spontaneous, although I hope I can stay distracted during the 2ww.

I wasn't expecting to be back here, in this trying-to-conceive place, again for a while. M is having trouble coming to terms with everything. He doesn't want to really talk about it yet, and usually I am reassuring him that we do deserve a baby, and no, it isn't fair but we have to get through it and stay positive. It's hard for me to see him so unsure and distraught. I just hope that I can help him get through all of this with minimal damage.

On another note, we went to a much needed and deserved party last night for my BFF's birthday. It was nice to just hang around, talk, and laugh, and not think about it for a few hours. I did get a few side-eyes when I had a glass of wine, but M was great at quietly explaining the situation to people and asking them not to bring it up. I am beginning to feel like life is getting back to normal, which is totally a relief. And a little guitar-hero tournament always helps to make you feel better ;)

1 comment:

  1. It is such a horrible thing to go through...glad you had fun at the party, distraction is sometimes one of the best medicines :)
    Good luck when you talk to the doctor, I hope things go the way you want them to!

    ReplyDelete

Tell me what you think ;)