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Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I have 6 minutes before I leave for work,

so I thought I'd update my blog.  Completely normal, right?

This past weekend was incredibly emotional for me.  I don't know if it was because I spent most of it in class, or I had my cousin's wedding.  I was completely anxious, almost to the point of a panic attack, and  I just couldn't calm down.  It was nice to see family at the wedding, but my parents had spread the news of the miscarriage.  It was inevitable that people would want to talk to me about it, even though I knew I wasn't ready for that.  I only cried twice while I was there, both because people brought up the miscarriage to wish their condolences.  I never knew this could be sooooooooooo difficult.  

Also, I have an eye infection.  Great.  So I have to wear my glasses (that Tyson so lovingly chewed a few days ago) for over a week.  The eye doctor refused to give me an eye exam while I have an infection, which completely irritated me on Monday and added to my anxiety.  Hopefully I can get through the week with minimal discomfort, get a new pair next week, and start to feel better.

I am thoroughly impatient about waiting for my period.  We aren't supposed to be trying until after I get it, but I can't help feeling like we're wasting time.  I know that it is best for us and the phantom baby to wait, but it is so hard.  I'm hoping it will only be a few short weeks and that my beta is already below 0 (I have to call the dr. today to see what Monday's results were).

Off to work, hopefully today will go well :)

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